Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
