All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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