I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
