i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
