she woke up with a sticky ear
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
