She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
