I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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