Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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