dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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