I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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