smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
