I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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