Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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