i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
