you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
