I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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