I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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