I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
