I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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