Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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