In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
