According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
