just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Randomize
