i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
