This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
