This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
