I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
