i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
