Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
