I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
