i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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