Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
