you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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