Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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