I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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