I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
