He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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