dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My liver just had a heart attack.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
