i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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