Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
