I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
