What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
