maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
