you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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