I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
