I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
