she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
