i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
