I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
