i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
