yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
