Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
