I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
