how can u be prego again
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
