Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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