I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
