i just google imaged poop.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
