Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
