it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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