R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
