I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
