Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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