just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
