Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
