I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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