no, he came in my armpit
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
