Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
