I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
