So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have demons in me.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
