no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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