Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
