How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
