So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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