i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
